I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
