I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
