Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
