I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
