Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
