those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
