But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He's a Shit stain on my heart
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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