I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
