By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
