so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
