It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
