It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Fuck appropriateness.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
