there's paper in my vomit.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
