he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
