i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
