If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
