At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
