the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
