i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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