her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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