it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
