i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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