you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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