1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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