did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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