Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
