I got chris browned last night
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
