I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
