Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
