I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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