i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
