i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
