how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dear god my vagina.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
