I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
