Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
