the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
