Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
soo... how was my night?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
