I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
