Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
