I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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