He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
