This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The cops high fived after they tackled you
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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