i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
A+ Viking dick
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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