When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
