How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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