there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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