So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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