she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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