Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
