When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
