What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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