I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
