Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
