i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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