When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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