No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
