I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
