I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
