before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
