If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
