Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize