Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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