u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
