Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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