My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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