how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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