Only a mothe r could love this liver
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
