Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
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