some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
